Be Kind To You
“An Empty Lantern Provides No Light. Self-Care Is The Fuel That Allows Your Light To Shine Brightly.”~AU
~I used to say if anyone saw me around the house, they would think I am crazy. “Who is she talking to?” They would ask. Well, I talk to my deceased Mother and my furry Pomeranian. Oh yes, we have regular conversations sometimes. I even ask them questions. I know they can’t answer back but it’s comforting to do so and so that’s what I do. Although, I do feel my Mom’s spirit at rare moments and do see signs I feel are from her just for me. And, my adorable Pomeranian is trained as an emotional support animal and he is the absolute best at it.
~Recently, I started adding a person to talk to. Me. The VA has what is called a Whole Health Coach. The one I have is very encouraging. She suggested being kind to myself by saying nice things to myself. When I look in the mirror, start complimenting something or be more understanding of the parts of my body that are not working. I have sort of done this before. I have looked at my reflection before and told it things like, “Lupus will not win today” or “you are going to kick Lupus up and down the street today.” But, this was more of a once in a while type of moment, when I am feeling super strong despite what I am physically going through.
~None the less, I told her I would try. It actually felt stranger for me to do this than talking to the dead or talking to my dog. I tried the first week and all I could do was just stare at myself for a few seconds and then walk away. Then, I started having fun with it. Not really taking it seriously, but still practicing the exercise. So, back to the mirror I would go. This time, I would say things like, “You crazy little spine of mine. You are going to be alright. Just hang in there.” Or “Be good heart. I know your hardening but I need you to keep pumping blood through.” My tone of voice would be a bit animated, a little cartoon…ish.
~Over time there were many days I would forget to do this exercise. It’s not in my nature to be kind to myself in this way. But, then I started thinking. In what ways am I kind to myself? This is a serious question. This is where it all begins, by being gentle to myself. If I truly put myself first in this way, this is not a selfish thing. It is an act of self-preservation. Last year, the VA approved massages for me. It was the first massage I had ever received. It was amazing. The referrals ran out and I have been waiting (and waiting) for a new referral. But, the thought occurred to just pay out of pocket for one. Even one would make me feel so much better.
~There are so many ways to be kind to oneself. What brings joy? What brings happiness? What brings peace? Seems simple unless your like me and have put everyone else’s happiness before yours. This past Sunday, I was listening to my pastor speak and I knew the Holy Spirit was delivering that message through him to me. He was saying to shut off the distractions around me that serve me no purpose. He said to close off the haters that are filling me with doubt, to remember to sit in the quiet of God. After that, everything started coming together for me. When I look in the mirror, now I say, “God, we got this.” or “If I don’t make it through the day, I know you have my back Jesus.”
~Yes, technically I am still talking to the unseen. So, I guess anyone walking by would still think I am crazy. But, hey, that’s a distraction I cannot think about anymore. What people think of me. Doing what is in my best interest is a gift that will keep on giving. Being myself is the jewel that God gave me and that is what makes me unique and all of us for that matter. It is a superpower. And, honestly, who wants to go through a painful, debilitating disease with no cure all by themselves? Not me! Realizing God is always with me at every moment is priceless. He is with me when I look in that mirror. He is with me when I am trying new ways of self care. He is with me when I am hurting badly from my Lupus. That is the best way I know how to be kind to myself. #LupusMariposa®
