Lupus Shades Of Grey

“This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the Black Pill~the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you what to believe. You take the White Pill~you stay in Wonderland and see how far the rabbit hole goes.” 

~~Yes, I’m a Matrix fan and I have changed the colors of the pills for the purpose of My real life story~Love Keanu 😉

~~The Grey Area, I hate living in the Grey Area I told my favorite ER doctor last night. My doctor is sympathic but makes it more of a factual point. Lupus is a Grey Area. It’s an in- between with no beginning and no end. There is no cure. There is no way to prevent it. It’s still a Grey Area on what causes it. 

~~Supposedly, I am genetically predisposed. My Mom had Lupus. RIH Mom. My Aunts have autoimmune diseases and disorders. But something somewhere set it off~sent me down the rabbit hole. Would it have mattered what color pill I took? If God knew (and He does) that I would be sick… Weren’t my days predestined anyway? 

~~All I can do now is live in the Grey Area of chasing down symptoms, chasing unknowns, chasing shadows and ghosts that leave permanent damage on my organs. 

~~Last night at the ER, I had a choice of the Black Pill or the White Pill. The White Pill would leave me with one definite answer (which I never had) but could cause more problems. The Black Pill would be a probabability of what ifs and leave me in the Grey. 

~~I’m used to the Grey. But, just this one time, knowing something definite about my body won me over. So I chose the White Pill. I had the Spinal Tap which took 4 attempts because of my Scoliosis to see if the Blinding Colors of pain in my skull was my Brain Anyerism leaking fluid.

~~One Black and White answer after 10 years of Greys. No, my Brain is not hermorraging. Praise God. Praise God. Praise God.   #LupusMariposa®