WorryWart

“Even the Sparrow has a place to lay his head. So, why would I let worry steal my breath?” ~LD

~WorryWart. Well, that’s one word that could describe me. I could Worry about everything if given the chance. I wear my heart on my sleeve and my poker face can be read at all times (at least that is what I have been told). Worry would keep me up all night helping to exasperate my pain level. Worry would ruin my days making them long and stressful causing my already Lupus fog to be even worse. I would break out into tears feeling pulled into the many different issues that I had no control over. My depression had no chance in these circumstances but to succumb like debris in a whirlwind. 

~In the midst of each and every Worry, I would have to tell myself the same thing. It bears repeating over and over again because for some reason I couldn’t let go of the big W. “Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do. But, it changes nothing.” I have Worried myself sick until I was in a complete and total Lupus hospitalization. No fun. While in the hospital bed I would be thinking about that rocking chair. What difference did it matter now that I am sick? That stupid chair is still rocking now. The situation is still the same. There is nothing I can do about it anyway. 

~I have realized that all the Worrying in my being will not help in any given situation. That is not to say I have stopped Worrying all together. Once a Worrier, always a Worrier. Nope, not that either. I would say I am somewhere in the middle. I am learning to balance the scales a little better. I do not have that type of personality where nothing would ever Worry me. God made me this way, but I think He wants me to reign in the Worrying a bit more. It shows a lack of trust in the Almighty. When I think of it this way, I am put in check. I mean total check mate. 

~My Worry is not a game of chess though. God is not being cruel. He is always teaching me. It feels comforting knowing that I can give up the facade that I can fix things knowing full well I can’t. Who am I fooling but myself. God cares for me and wants to help. He wants to carry the load and take the Worry from me so that I can rest just like a sparrow. He knows what is best for me and Worrying myself to death is not it. Worry is no longer my middle name. Even though I had to learn the hard way, I am truly thankful for the lessons. #LupusMariposa® #NoWorries