Speak Up

“When writing the story of your life, don’t let anyone else hold the pen.”~Harley Davidson 

~~~Inside my soul, I have wanted to be heard.  I was too afraid to speak up for fear of what others would think. I was always the peacemaker with a pained smile on her face. The oldest of six. The responsible one who the others looked up to. The role model who needed to listen and do as she was told. At school, the girl who kept under the radar but tried to be friends with everyone. I didn’t want to create enemies. It seems no matter what I did though I could not please everyone. My efforts were in vain. I quickly became the could of, should of, would of, girl with all the witty things I thought of to say after the fact. 

~~~Even now, I would say my biggest weakness is not speaking up for myself with the ones I love when I know I need time to myself. I let them do all the talking and planning and I go along with it until I am so drained and tired I can’t do anymore. At that point, I get frustrated because now I have no time for me. I get depressed. I become unraveled because I am not doing my daily devotions or my journaling. All things that my heart needs. I am too busy making sure those around me are happy before me. The responsible one, trying to keep the peace, trying not to rock the boat. 

~~~The great thing is as I get older I get wiser. God teaches me not to be a worrywart so much but to focus more on my heart. The more I concentrate about changing the woman in the mirror the better everything around me becomes. Then, the rippling effect starts taking place. I am liking what I am seeing and becoming more confident in the Lord’s work in me. It is only then that I am able to have that voice that I have always wanted. God will never give me a false sense of security. He gives me strength and courage. I do not have to be concerned with keeping the peace because peace has been made deep within me. 

~~~Even my Lupus I graciously give a voice. But, I give it one of hope and faith. God has given me back my life when I thought it was over. He did more than that though. He gave me a purpose. I feel hope everyday when I wake up thanks to Him. It’s another day Lupus did not win. I have been in so much pain for weeks now. When I walk, it feels like I am pulling 200 pound weights behind me. But, it will not defeat me. I will drag those weights and win. With the Lord by my side, we will claim victory against this disease. Nothing will take away my voice ever again. No man, woman, or disease. Thanks to the Lord my Saviour. Praise His Holy Name. 🦋🦋🦋

#LupusMariposa® #GiveGodGlory #UseUrVoice #DefeatLupus