A Letter To Me
~This is a letter to me. I must remember to refer back to this letter in times of desolate depression. Times when I believe I am not strong enough to be here. Times when my demons are winning. Times when my body has failed me. Times when my anxiety level is so high I cannot function. Times I want to give up and check out.
~Go ahead. Look at the clock and then look again. To see that time is still moving forward. Time always will. It is the one thing you can count on. Every second gone by, is a second of a minute that passed away from your earthly life. It is a second you cannot get back. That is not a bad thing. Passing your seconds should help you realize that time is a fleeting concept. Nothing lasts more than that second you are in. If you can hold on past that second, then hold on for the next 59 seconds until you reach 1 minute. It may seem like alot right now. But, vocally count them down. Continue to count them. Soon, the counting will be mechanical instead of emotional. You will see that those seconds have now turned into minutes.
~Now, you have made it onto the next phase. You are official. You are on to the minutes. Give yourself a pat on the back. Give yourself a thumbs up. Look at your thumb. Is it up? You just counted your way through your most disillusioned self. You just carried yourself through the seconds that could have destroyed you. I know where you were going. Hell. Refrain. Refocus. Retry. Do not give in to those demonic voices in your head. They are strong but your angels are stronger. Your guardian angels are with you. Praying for you. Pulling for you. Pushing for you. You are worth the fight. You are worth giving your life more than those dark seconds. You are worth the moments after. The moments to come. Close your eyes, and start praying.
~During this process, maybe 5 minutes have passed. Maybe 10. It will depend on what Satan has you fighting at this time. Now that you have counted down the seconds, made it to the recited minutes, pray harder. Don’t be afraid to bare your soul. God sees it anyway. You are not alone. You are loved. You are cherished. You are valuable. Do not let other voices in your head when you are praying. Keep the prayer purely between you and God. Only then, will you see clearly. The clear picture is broader than these 5 or 10 minutes. Through talking it out with God, with your Guardian Angels, more time will have passed. You must recognize that you are making it through this infierno and keep going on to that half hour or hour point.
~Look at all of your progress so far. You have made it through seconds you thought you could not. You have made it through the minutes that you thought were going to take your life. You are onto the next level of strength. Yes, I said strength. You are a fighter! You have made it to the top of the next hour. Do you know what an accomplishment that is? Well, it is. You are fighting. Yes, you are. Keep battling. You will beat this internal war. Keep winning because that is what you are doing. Winning against the evil that wants to take God’s most precious gift. That is you. You are more than what you can conceive at the moment. You are worth your future. This is going to be your past. Where it will stay. You will move on from this.
~If you are still not convinced, then you better start this process again. Look at that clock, what time is it now? Find a pen and write it down. This way, you will see with your own eyes that this is working to pass the deceiving thoughts in your head. Sometimes, when you are outside yourself, you cannot see the obvious. The obvious being that this night is progressing to the morning. To the sunrise. To relief. Now that you have made a note of the worldly time, repeat the counting. Go backwards. Change it up. Start from 60. 59. 58. 57. 56. 55. 54. 53. 52. 51. 50. Are you doing this? Let me help you. 49. 48. 47. 46. 45. 44. 43. 42. 41. 40. 39. 38. 37. 36. 35. 34. 33. 32. 31. 30. 29. 28. 27. 26. 25. 24. 23. 22. 21. 20. 19. 18. 17. 16. 15. 14. 13. 12. 11. 10. 9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1! If you don’t want to count, pick up the pen and write these numbers. See the progression? Now, you have physically seen the minute past the hour. You have proof that this moment will not last.
~This trial will be over. The verdict will be in your favor by your will to persevere. By going through all this, repeatingly if you must, the dawn is here. You have set it in motion. You have manipulated time to work for you. Now, the dawn is coming to greet you. Greet you with comforting possibilities. Greet you with a new day. A new start. A fresh beginning. Life is a series of departures and arrivals. You have departed from the plight of the night. From the dark and made it into the light. You put your boxing gloves on and beat it. Take deep breaths. Stand up. Stretch out a little. You have been lying in bed too long. Remember who you are. You are God’s child. A better future awaits you. That is a promise!
~Lupus Mariposa®
