Down Not Out
Could the devil really be trying that hard to hurt me? I don’t know anymore. Sometimes, I feel like that is giving him way too much credit. I know I must give the master manipulator some credit though. I should never underestimate Satan. How else can I explain the horrible events over the last two weeks that have left me feeling like a useless rubber band with no more elasticity. I have been running out of resilience, stretching beyond my means. Not by my doing, but by the world around me. This butterfly is strong. But, I have to admit, right now I am not flying as high as I would like. I’m not really flying at all.
People wishing me sicker than I already am on social media was disheartening to say the least. Why so much hate towards someone who only wants to help others in the name of God? It has been happening more and more, which is why I decided to make that announcement. I realize that it will probably stop no one and in some cases provoke others to make more comments. My blog is a page for love, hope, and unity for all of us with invisible diseases. I felt it was disrespectful to other readers as well as myself to have to see that. I went back to my post about “Haters” and decided to take my own advice. I cannot worry when someone tries to hurt me because I serve a higher God who has my best interests at heart. God obviously has plans for my future that the devil doesn’t like because he is trying hard to make me feel apathy and defeat.
Thank you to all who have been praying for my back recovery. All the boring time on bed rest has been working. Along with the back brace, biowave unit, massage therapy, etc. I am doing better. Praise God. Falling into a funk I should not be doing. I have been here too many times to count. My attitude is always good. I’m the optimistic queen. I am thinking because this time the pain is something I didn’t recognize. It was different from my usual pain. It was actually out of my control and that scared me. When I’m in control of my screwed up body, I’m good. When my lupus goes haywire, then I’m not. The realization that lupus can and does have the power to take my life whenever it feels like it saddens me. I have seen it with my Mom. I am not afraid to die but have I done everything God has wanted me to do?
Lastly, my husband’s Dad died. We know he is at peace. He is finally with his wife. He has been sick for a while but we were not quite ready for his passing. God knows best. As we lose another loved one, I cannot help but think how short life on earth really is. It can be cruel with its rising and setting sun everyday not giving a thought to anyone’s pains or to who is passing away. It doesn’t care who is trying to make a difference in this world big or small. It could care less who is in bed depressed for weeks or who is dying from lupus complications. Life does not care who gets heartless insults or who wishes you dead.
The one who truly cares in this world and can save you into the next is God. I was down but I wasn’t out. I was losing elasticity but I didn’t snap. This butterfly would be so depressed and probably never fly again if it weren’t for the Lord. He gives me the strength I need to deal with the things life has been throwing my way. Pretty soon, I’ll have skin so thick, it will take no time at all for these things to slide right off my back. For now though, I’ve been taking things slow. I am going at God’s pace so I can get my wings back in flight mode. So, I’m slowly flying again. Thank you Lord for another victory. #LupusMariposa® #LifeHardLessons #DownNotOut #VictoryWithGod #FlyHigh 🦋🦋🦋
