Fatigue
SIDEBAR : I put my Mom’s bookmark in my bible quickly, anywhere because I didn’t want to lose it. Of course, not knowing where it would end up. The next day, I started my devotional. After praying, I said out-loud half joking, “Okay Mom, show me something good!” No joke though, I opened the bible to where the bookmark was and I could not believe the message. It was meant for me and I had to share. This is how my crazy mysterious life keeps me inspired.
~~Fatigue is the number one thing that turns me into a version of me I do not recognize. I become a crankball. I am less able to cope with the things around me. Even the simple things that I normally find cute, good, or kind will start to irritate me. I find I stop doing things that bring me joy and I become reclusive which only makes me more fatigue. I won’t do anything but sleep most of the day and night away. I get stuck in a cyclical pattern of frustration, fatigue, and sleep. Now, my Lupus fatigue is different than my frustration fatigue. When I am in a Lupus flare, my body will give off warning signs that tell me my body has no choice but to rest. When I am in frustration fatigue, my mind is on overdrive and I am emotionally drained.
~~Lucky for me, with God’s help, the main source of all this has been discovered. I had to take a hard look at myself and ask what was causing the overwhelming fatigue. I realized I have been over extending myself. I am all over the place with many different ideas, projects, offers, and prospects. I received some really great advice. That advice was I didn’t have to take every single great opportunity that came my way. I should pray hard for guidance on which ones would serve God best. Over extending myself by trying to do everything serves no purpose, when I am so tired I can’t focus anymore on the things that used to make me happy. I have to guard myself from overcommitment. I have to learn to say no sometimes and slow my roll. God doesn’t need me so busy on everything that I am no longer sincerely me on anything.
~~A few things help when I need to calm down. I will call a close friend and have a vent session, that sometimes works. Someone close to me that I can trust is key. It’s kind of ironic. I blog for the world to see, but in person, my close circle is very tiny. A Christian friend can provide guidance and pray with you, hold your hold, and give you a hug. Sometimes, a hug is all you need. The other thing that helps me tremendously is being surrounded by nature. Water especially. If I force myself out of the house and sit by a body of water, then I’m good. I have broken the cycle. Something majestic about that water!!
~~Lastly and most importantly, is my Heavenly Father. My love for Him brings tears to my eyes this morning. He never fails me. He always brings me right back to Him. There is no pattern of self doubt He cannot break. My Mom used to say “If you don’t know what to do, do nothing. Pray, and then wait on God.” As I learn to slow my frantic brain and say no to the offers that do not serve my God the best way possible, I remember my Mother’s wise words once again. God is using my fatigue as a learning lesson to refuel my passion and love for Him. For serving the Lord is my greatest purpose. Everything else is icing on the cake. #LupusMariposa® #Godfirst #AllWillFollow #Refuel #LessoninFatigue
