Love Is More Than The Physical
“Work On Being In Love With The Person In The Mirror Who Has Been Through So Much And Is Still Standing.”~~UA
~~He said to me, “What good will I be if I can’t work anymore? I have always worked since I was 15 years old. That’s the way I was brought up. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. I am a man. That’s my j-o-b. To work!” I would not call it a conversation. It was more of a vent session. My husband just learned his fate of total knee replacements for both knees. It was no longer a matter of “if” it was a matter of “when” and he was thinking the worst already. Ironic thing is, I remember thinking the same exact way when I was told I had Lupus. God had prepared me for this moment. I could be of genuine emotional and mental assistance because I know what it feels like when you are rendered useless because your body is not working properly.
~~I would have to take it slow though. Women are from Mars and Men are from Venus, right? So, as I am praying for God’s direction, He tells me to only worry about the things as they come. I love those lightbulb moments. Since we were worrying about all the bad stuff that would happen, we were preparing for doomsday. How depressing. So, right away, I told him we need to stop doing that. Let’s just take things as they come. We do not even have a date for the first knee surgery! It is not time to stress about the money or the bills. We can still enjoy the moments of normalcy in the days to come. Life as we know it before he is on the hospital bed. God is so amazing breaking down the smallest of details for me.
~~For my part, I thought it smart to start writing down all the things we need in the future, so my husband and I will not have to worry about the trivial in the middle of the surgery and recovery. Since I am disabled, we will need a nurse (a strong one, my husband was a football player in the Navy) and a cleaning service, those kind of things. The practical stuff. I am being logical now because I know I won’t be later. For me, the real trick is not losing that list once it is made. I have lost many of lists putting them in “safe places” only never to find them again. So, this list will go on the fridge until it is time for it’s use. This way, I can focus on what I need to in the moment.
~~Many things I was thinking I did not want to share out loud when I was first diagnosed. They were horrid, depressing, and dark. No one wanted to be in the corners of my mind. That’s for sure. I was not ready for counseling or therapy back then either. I know that you generally cannot die from knee replacements but the thoughts he will have running through his mind I will be ready for. When he is bed bound and wishes he could get up and go somewhere, anywhere. When he can only make it from the bed to the couch and that is a good day while everyone else is outside doing something. When he is alone all day watching mindless television, bored as all get up, watching the world go by. All this I have been through but much worse.
~~The good news for him is this all will be only temporary. Through prayer God will give me the right words to express this to him. I do not want to start arguments or feel resentment. When he first said “What good will I be?” I thought to myself “Really?” All your worth does not lie in your knees and I told him so. At the time, he was not hearing that. I hope after the surgery and he is sedated a little, he will get the message. He will have nowhere to run. God’s timing or a funny sense of humor. I do not know. But, in either case, it is a very true statement. One I hope he takes to heart. I am more than my Lupus. He is more than his knees. God gave us so much more than the physical. I know changing the thought process does not happen overnight. It didn’t for me. And it won’t for him. But, all good things in God’s time. #MoreThanThePhysical #GodsLoveAlwaysPerfect #LupusMariposa®
