Thankful Yet?
This Is A Wonderful Day. I’ve Never Seen This One Before.” ~ Maya Angelou
~~I love the above quote! It reminds me so much of my daily morning prayer. As soon as I am opening my eyes and feeling myself breathing, I say to the Lord, “Thank you for this day. Come what may.” I am truly thankful for another day and whatever it holds for me. I was not always in such a gracious state of mind which makes it all the more beautiful that I can hold these feelings of joy and gratitude. I can remember many of those long tormenting nights that I wished God would take me in my sleep. I would cry and beg Him not to be here on earth anymore. I had hit rock bottom in all ways humanly possible. Struggling with PTSD, Anxiety, and Depression is just as painful as my Lupus, Fibromyaglia, and Psoriasis.
~~Of course, God denied my pleas because here I am sharing this part of my story. Simplifying the healing process in a paragraph or two doesn’t do it justice compared to the actual work involved to get myself better. It takes years of therapy and is an ongoing continual effort. Sometimes, things can get worse before they get better. Whatever is haunting your soul or fighting with your spirit, will resurface until it is worked out. And, that is what happened to me. With the Lord fighting my battles for me when I wasn’t able, I was winning when I didn’t know I could. I was winning when I didn’t think I should. When I couldn’t fight for myself, here comes this amazing grace and strength. Am I thankful yet? You better believe it!
~~I am a survivor but only because of God. I remember writing a list of the things I have lived through and that list is scary and long. And technically, I didn’t live through every moment. I was declared dead twice. I had gone into cardiac arrest during childbirth and was dead on the table for 3 minutes before being revived. Another time, I was stabbed and lost a lot of blood. I can’t recall many of the details once the knife pierced my skin. I woke up in the hospital with stitches and a big bandage. God decided my time was not up on those days either. He loves me that much. He cares for me that much. There has always been guardian angels in my path protecting me. The Lord strategically placed them there to watch over me.
~~Since I have experienced trauma and hardships in so many other aspects (the Navy, personal loss, my health, etc.) of my life, there were times when I felt defeated. It was easier for me to watch the world go by without participating. But, as deep as my pain ran is also as far as God’s healing reached. Everything in my past prepares me for God’s will of truth and relevancy. The heaviness of the events that I can recall, give way to the lightheartedness of normalcy that I so crave now. I love being with my family, my dog, and blogging with all of you. That sounds boring probably to many but I am content.
~~At this moment, I am most thankful for my life. As messed up health wise as it is, I am still here because God saw something in me worth saving. I will try my best to glorify His name and make Him proud. Even when it’s hard to think or move, I will do what I can to help others. Many of us have pain because of unspeakable circumstances. If God has been there for you, give Him praise not just this Thanksgiving but everyday. I have learned through the loss of loved ones that tomorrow is never promised. So, when that new day dawns and I am still here, I am thanking the Lord for my very existence. My life is a gift and I have a legacy to fulfill. So, I better get started! #LupusMariposa® #GivingThanksToGod #HappyThanksgiving #ShareYourStory
