The Mundane

When I look down at my phone, the weeks look like rivers. Some days look like man made lakes. The summer months have blended together in a sea of ocean blue. At least, the color is pretty. The color I have chosen to mark all my doctor appointments in on my lovely device that has to be carried with me now everywhere I go. Sometimes, I want to throw it in the bottom of the ocean. It’s a complicated relationship.

The same little computer in my hand that reminds me of the 21 doctor appointments I had in August so far and keeps me connected to the world is the same one that makes me sad to look at sometimes. The blue color was chosen purposely to bring me joy. Now, it brings a little grudge of resentment knowing more time has been spent looking at stale white walls instead of green trees. I wonder if I should start naming the rivers and the lakes in my phone?

I think I will add a new color for fun activities. This will help my brain from internalizing the blue from being so negative. Blue was once my favorite color. As I am writing, I am realizing that is the solution. The blue, being my health, is my full time job right now. But, adding a dash of red to spice things up would break up the monotony not just on the phone screen but in my head. I need something to look forward to. 

Summer has flown by and I know it is not quite over yet. I am remembering my Mother’s words once again. She said, “You are going to have down seasons. They might seem long. Keep your mind busy and focused on God. Remember, it won’t stay like that. You’ll be back up before you know it.” So, I guess I won’t throw my phone into the bottom of the ocean just yet. Rather, I’ll change up the color scheme and know that in the future, God has better things coming my way.